Check out the new digs:

Challenge Accepted

It’s a little something new I’m going to try out.

Non issue

So… I guess that whole date issue for Wednesday resolved itself… Seeing as I am now laying on my bed at my dad’s house as he sleeps in his hospital bed 5 minutes away after having emergency gallbladder surgery.

Wasn’t expecting that phone call when I woke up today. BUT HEY! Everyone could use some more spontaneity in their life!

Dad is doing well; oddly cooperative. I officially have a crush on his boss; I texted him to give him an update on Dad and he responded with exclamation points and an emoticon. Marry me?

The hospital handed me an Advance Directive tonight and recommended Dad fill in out “in case anything should happen.” I am the executive of his “estate” (all of his stuff) , but he never actually did an advance directive (though we have talked about what he would like should that day come.).

It’s been a long day… 6 hours of sleep, went to work with mom and helped her finish up her classroom for tomorrow (happy first day Lincoln Unified!), went to her physical therapy appointment with her (YEEE!!!), then drove 2.5 hours to the hospital.

Now I am at one of my homes, in desperate need of a shower, and just a little numb to the world.

20 years old and this is the first time I’ve slept in this house alone.

I feel like an adult… taking care of the house with a parent in the hospital…

F***. I’m not sure I’m ready for this.

All the Feelings.

I’m having to work on my emotional health lately.

I really need to get my head on straight before the semester starts…

I’m going to break this up into a few posts I think… Maybe I’ll be able to sleep if I get some of this out of my head.

I’m going to jump in with the most recent:

I feel like I’m being forced in to a relationship, and I’m not ready for one.

I sit here, doubting my feelings- do I like him? Am I genuinely interested? Or do I just feel pressured from my mom to have a relationship? Am I just lonely? I know what I crave. I know what I want. Do I sacrifice that for what is available right now? I feel like that would just be using him…

I’ve always joked that I’m too mean for him. But seriously, I’m just too much of a mess. 20, never been kissed, commitment phobia to the MAX, wildly independent and rebellious against people and their emotions.

There is so much I am passionate about in life. I want to run away and see every nook and cranny of this beautiful world.  I know in my heart that I will find the person I am meant to be with- and I feel with every fiber of my being that he is not here in California. He is out in the world.

I don’t want to miss out on a good relationship because I’m afraid, but I also don’t want to end up stuck in something that I’m not happy about.

Sophomore Slump

Or second day slump, rather.

Hello darling humans of this little marble we call Earth!

I am blogging from my new apartment.

Yes, the move has finally happened.

I am very happy here, I think. It’s just… Today has been odd. I have some frustrations that are starting already and am not really sure how to address them with my new roommate. I know that when I do bring it up she will take it in stride! It’s more of the fact that we haven’t had much time just the two of us… Her boyfriend has been here every night (not staying over- he just comes to visit.).

I like him; he is a very sweet guy and they do an exceptional job of not making me feel like a third wheel.  I just feel that the rooms and I need to work out some daily living stuff, and it would be easier to do that without him here.

Here’s my list of topics to be discussed:

• Covered parking spot (we get 1 per apartment, and she has used it every time- even when she gets home before me…)
• Rent- she offered to pay a bit more since she has the master bedroom, this needs to get settled before Sept. 1!

I guess that’s really it for now… We were both Resident Advisors- you would think this would be easy for us.

I mean… if she pays extra rent, should I go ahead and let her have the covered space? Or should we stick to our original idea that who ever will be home latest gets the covered spot? Since her boyfriend has been over every night, does that justify her paying more in rent?

I’m liking coming home to someone… My studio was lonely… but it seems that I’ll have to get used to sharing a space again!

Once school starts up this all may blow over. I think reality has hit though- this won’t be play time all the time!

 

Night all.  Talk again tomorrow sometime.

Impositions part 2.

So, sissy and I really learned how to interact with each other. And now, she’s become one of my best friends.

Now on to why this is titled the way it is.  No matter who’s house I’m visiting, I always feel like such a burden. I hate going to shower because I feel like I’m inconveniencing them. But here, at my sisters, I’m unbelievably comfortable! Sister and her boyfriend have made me feel so at home. Even when my sister leaves for work at night, it’s not awkward at all to be home with her boyfriend.

I can’t even explain how happy I am to be here!

I’m exhausted, fed within an inch of my life, and love every second of it.

 

Impositions

It’s 12:05 am and I’m sitting out back on the porch right now in my sister’s beautiful backyard- her newly sprouted grass is longer every time I step outside! She is off to my left painting some posts and fencing (crazy woman won’t let me help carry any of it from the garage out here!), and I am camped out on a chair writing to you all! We both came out here to get away from the heart breaking crying from our lovely little boy- he would rather be playing on auntie’s legs, not going night night!

It’s is a GORGEOUS night after being 113* today. It’s almost body temperature? Slightly cool, but still warm… you almost can’t feel it at all. Tripping me out, it’s so perfect! (I just checked my phone and it says it 79* out… Not sure how precise my iPhone is, but if that’s the actual temp, then it’s my new favorite temp.)

I can’t help but be struck by how comfortable I feel here. My sister is actually my stepsister (I think I mentioned that in my previous post?) and it’s taken us a while to adjust to each other. I think we met about 6 years ago, and her dad and my mom have been married for 5 years. I can pinpoint the change in our relationship- I had gone to college, and she had a baby.  Lots of change in a quick period for both of us that forced us to grow up. (It’s now 1 am and I’ve gotten distracted talking… Now it’s 1:30 and we’re still talking… Now it’s 3:30am and I’m just getting to bed. I’ll continue later!)

One Little Monkey

Jumping on the bed,

trying to potty train,

and refusing to go to sleep.

WOW, two-year-olds are tiring.  I love this little boy like he is my very own, but he also makes me realize that I am not ready to have my own kids- yet.

Vacation has been great so far! I must say that my stepsister and her boyfriend are most gracious hosts and could not make me feel more at home. Not to mention my stubborn, cutie nephew.

Day 1 my sister and I walked to her community pool with my nephy and we swam! He is quite a little fish! Then we proceeded to get lost on our walk back home…. in the 108* weather…. Luckily we had the stroller and I had packed it with tons of water (and snacks, but the water was most needed). Ended up taking us about an hour to get back to the house? After a good 45 minutes in the pool. Long, hot, exhausting. That evening, since my sissy had work off, we met up with my stepbrother and played pool, then went and saw Total Recall.  LOVED. THAT. MOVIE. Sissy ate an entire bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos during the movie… How she didn’t vomit, I’ll never know.

Day 2 was very relaxing. Sissy, nephew and I slept til 11 (vacation, anyone?). While seester watered all the plants, I got the little man some breakfast, then we danced to some cartoons. Seester came in then and started making DEEEELICIOUS breakfast burritos- and by 1 pm when they were done, her boyfriend was home from work so we had a nice family lunch! Afterwards, monster boy and I played, while his lovely parents went and worked in the yard.  We all gathered in the car to go to Lowe’s then to pick up some fencing supplies!   Momma was off to work then, so daddy and stink butt and I went off on a hike.  Now, here’s the highlight. I learned to shoot a gun!! SO COOL! I’m a fan!!  We got home, heated up some leftovers, and little boy was asleep before the microwave went off. Low and behold, he woke a few hours after that and hasn’t returned to sleep yet. Maybe he’s asleep now…. fingers crossed. I honestly reached a point where I had no clue what to do to get him to sleep, so I went and showered. :/

We might be off to the beach tomorrow! Or make the Costco trip which really needs to happen… I’m up for anything!

Breakfast Burritos:

• Tortilla (steamed)
• Chorizo
• Eggs
• Sausage
• Sour cream
• Medium Cheddar Cheese
• Chopped potato with red bell pepper

Cook ingredients, layer how desired, and try not to eat 50. I had 2. And was full for DAYS.

Sweet dreams, all!